The Last Words of Captain Reginald E. Roberts

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"Marchtober 14th, 1982: The acceleration of the walls was not hindered by yesterday's efforts. This morning I looked outside of the tent and Francis was [unintelligible]. He's served as an excellent trapper but I think the rays are starting to affect him as well. I've even seen him picking up domples while on his rounds. I asked him about the leaves but he denied it. I may be forced to throw him in the hole with the others. My stomach cringes from the vile flavor of the indigenous berries, which now make up my entire diet. I must not succumb to the endless twitching, lest I end up like the rest. In our last inventory of the firewood, some patches of moisture were noted. Tomorrow I'll have to AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AAAAAHHHHHHH! MY ARM! FRANCIS! FRANCIS! I must continue this later; it's finally collapsing..."
This final entry in the journal of Captain Reginald E. Roberts gives us some insight into the final events of an ambitious expedition gone horribly awry. The crew of the Merrypost was found dead in the hollowed-out trunk of a large tree. Autopsy results... were inconclusive.


from Return to Stupidland, released August 13, 1999



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